DISCLAIMER: The following was written by James McKenzie, and is in no way affiliated with or approved by the main author of this blog. If you are expecting the quality of writing typically displayed in previous posts, you will be sorely disappointed. Reader discretion is advised.
For those of you who follow this outstanding blog, you may recognize me as an often-cited character. I am typically depicted (accurately) as the out-of-touch husband who is about 6-12 months behind on popular culture events. What you may not know is that I have been dating/married to Laura for a little over a decade. There is some minor disagreement as to when we started dating, it was either September 18th or 19th of 2004 when I suavely asked her out via AOL Instant Messenger. This was after the first Prep Mixer of our Junior year of high school. Needless to say, it has pretty much worked out between us, and I know that I could not be happier to be with her. As part of her birthday/weekend/week/month, I thought I would give blogging a shot. They say that imitation is the highest form of praise, so here we go:
Laura Hibbs was born on June 12th, 1988. She was born to Victoria and Vincent Hibbs and was briefly the only child of the family, a glorious time indeed. She was a few weeks premature and will tell you that as a newborn she resembled a chicken. Failing to grow feathers or a beak, she was a little girl living in the beautiful town of Drexel Hill. Growing up, she would spend most of her time torturing her younger sister Ali and taking hilarious Christmas photos.
Fast Forward 16 years and we get to one of the coolest birthday celebrations: Laura’s 16th birthday. There was a moonbounce, I repeat, A MOONBOUNCE, at the party. From what I heard from our many friends in attendance (I unfortunately was not invited as Laura did not know who I was) it was considered one of the greatest parties to occur both on Eaton Road and the surrounding Delaware Valley. In a time before Twitter, this party was trending #Laura2K4 #516Eaton #Moonbounce #ScottHibbsAteAllTheCake
This was just one of the many high school parties that Laura would attend. Some were approved by our parents, and some less so (cough, cough Hawktion/Shauction). Nevertheless, using her God-given talents of hiding in bushes for hours and some adolescent cellphone savvy, Laura rarely, if ever, was actually caught in any kind of undue behavior. I believe the statue of limitations has passed on all alleged indiscretions, but for the sake of her privacy no photographic evidence will be divulged during this post.
Laura graduated from The Country Day School of the Sacred Heart in 2006 earning high marks in effort, chemistry, mathematics, history with Mr. Saylor, goaltending for the Field Hockey Team, dressing up like a colonial peasant, and too many other distinctions to list. In her yearbook senior year, Laura’s Likes would include (a pre-pubescent) Scott Hibbs and Dislikes of Penny, her Dalmatian cousin with a heart of gold.
Laura matriculated to The Pennsylvania State University the following summer where she majored in Journalism. I had the pleasure of visiting Laura dozens of times in Happy Valley but never saw a single classroom or textbook anywhere on campus. I still believe that the institution had a secret agreement amongst one another to spend four years having the time of their collective lives and give each other a secret wink and handshake at “commencement”. But I digress. In her junior and senior year Laura was one of 11 girls to live in an enormous house on Nittany Avenue where despite the fact that 11 girls (ELEVEN) lived together, this was not considered sorority. Her house was known as a key cog in the party machine that was PSU at the time, and often a popular place for B-list rappers to wind down after a local concert (#Gunz)
Laura then turned 21 years old. She would celebrate the milestone on the island of Sea Isle whilst maintaining a clean and certainly livable shorehouse comfortably nestled just above the fine eating establishment known as Shoebies. Her family would join her in the celebration, some of the members of the family drinking perhaps double what Laura would imbibe that day. Live music and no-showers were had in the many happy hours that followed. Despite the unjust (Read: justified) removal of a former Prep graduate from one of the local watering holes (#freeMendez) the evening went off without a hitch. Well, maybe not exactly without a hitch, but pretty much as well as a late calendar-year 21st birthday should go.
A few short years later came the best day of my life and certainly the best party I have enjoyed with Laura, our wedding. On March 9th, 2013 it was your typical early March Saturday: seventy degrees and sunny. We would be married at Saint Andrew’s Church where Laura would receive a standing ovation for putting up with me for all of these years. The band was great, the Photo Booth an absolute hit, and Laur would get to enter her reception to the words of her idol Beyonce, a dream come true
These memories are but a few highlights to a wonderful life surrounded by family, friends, and fun. Those of you who are lucky enough to know Laura know that she is a kind, honest, patient, and great person. Her energy and excitement for life invigorates those around her. She has a penchant for all things social, whether it is getting under the skin of a Real Housewife or calling out Andy Cohen for his marijuana habits. She will give her all to anything she puts her mind to, and will be the first one at your side if you need her.
So to you, Laur, thanks for giving me the opportunity to share my life with you. I am so #blessed to be with you and get the chance each year to note just how special a date June 12th, 1988 truly was. I love you and always will.